Retired from work - but NOT from life!

Well, this world is turning more bizarre by the minute don't you think?! I have become in awe at how fast this amazingly vibrant, travelling, economic world can suddenly become so insecure and vulnerable.  I think until last week, I was pretty much feeling the Corona Virus or Covid19 was 'out there' somewhere but of no real consequence to me personally.................. oh how that was to prove me wrong in a couple of ways!  Firstly, when we started to notice this now infamous panic buying starting in shops. Not our local shops where normal people shop normally (except for the chain chemist, but even they were letting us know if and when we could buy hand gel on line) but the supermarkets with its pile it high mentality.  Ok - confession time. I now understand this is how panic works. At home, I had a packet of 9 bog rolls and some in the bathrooms. Plenty normally. HOWEVER, should I just buy 1 or 2 extra packets??? Just in case?? What about popping an extra rice and a...

I guess this photo of my Husbands Auntie Joan is typical of it's day, and probably fairly typical of most orders of service booklets for funerals for people of her years.  Although I'd only met her a couple of times, Auntie Joan appears to have been a fairly standard woman of her day; much loved by many, long marriage, 2 good sons and grandchildren. Artistic and proud of her handmade cards.  Auntie Joan didn't want a eulogy at her service - this was apparently made clear in a letter left and underlined! So I'm guessing there was steel behind the classy glasses of her time and that faint smile. The Vicar (a super chap who did Auntie Joan and the Church proud) spoke movingly about love and loss, and that to grieve means we also had to have loved.  Typically stoical middle Englanders in the assembled gathering who up until that point had been pretty dry eyed, started to shuffle tissues from pockets and gently sniff!  Beautiful browsing...

So, 16 weeks on (bugger me, where's THAT gone!) retirement is still revealing itself in a myriad of ways.  Firstly, I hate to reinforce this oft said cliche, but we really do have many times where we wonder how we fitted in work. We've got into a really comfy rhythm of later starts sharing that morning cup of tea in the luxury of bed.  The feeling of not having to rush anywhere and that relaxing possibilities are endless. I feel great joy in picking up a book - that guilt has certainly gone. I've watched some great films, and I'm really enjoying this feeling of freedom.   I certainly haven't taken up knitting, crochet, art, yoga or any other myriad of things that has been suggested to me that I 'might like'!  At home and after a dodgy start (i.e, me shouting and having a few tantrums) household chores are naturally dividing into his and mine jobs, and it's a complete joy being able to really appreciate the company of our dogs rather than ofte...

I may or may not be all or some of those things, but one thing I've never been is alone! I mean truly alone!  I have always had a parent, a child, a husband, a job, a business. When Husband has been away on holiday (because of our business, we sometimes had to take separate holidays) I have had 'things' to keep me occupied, people and a business to escape too on those occasions we were separated. But now we are retired, much has changed and it's all still quite new. So, it was with huge trepidation that when the possibility of Husband going on a working visit to our friends Charity in Sierra Leone came, I gave 100% support and secretly fretted (greatly) at how would I manage with none of the above to 'occupy' me or him around. The day came and I waved him off with great big smiles and then a real meltdown in the car afterwards at what on earth I was going to do with myself. What if 'this' happened, what if 'that' happened, what if,...

We (Husband and I) were very, very pleased to have a voucher as one of our retirement gifts for a photo shoot with  an incredibly talented and award winning photographer in our area - Martyn Norsworthy. I know Martyn really well and he's photographed me before, both for business and personally.   He knows I'm never pleased with how I look, despite all appearances to the contrary and I'm very low on self esteem and personal body image.  It didn't help that unusually for us, husband and I had a quite blistering row the night before. Well I say row; I shouted and himself listened! You know how it goes don't you! :)  Anyway, the whole shoot was brilliant and a very sneak peek re-assured me that the photos would look ok.  Well, they were more than ok, and we were incredibly pleased, however, there were the usual comments from me - can you make my teeth whiter, can you crop it a bit so you can't see how big chested I am, etc etc. But...

Normality? What is that? Well, I think it could be what I'm starting to feel in my new life as a retired person: there's starting to be rhythm to it all.  At last after almost 10 weeks of days filled with tears, anger, resentment, disbelief and a huge feeling of loss, I woke up this Monday and realised that this feeling, whatever it was in my stomach (no not hunger - never!) had actually disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place. A bit of an awakening in many ways.  I have no idea why or what it is that's actually changed, but changed it has. I'm waking with a positivity that had deserted me, and it's great to welcome it back.  I realise that actually retirement is not that bad, and I can at last see some opportunities in this new way of living.  The freedom to start to plan the travels we talked about for example, to start looking at my garden with eyes that see it as a joy rather than a chore to fit in with work...